#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe

[tennessoui]

someone left a really nice comment on ‘use my body to break your fall’ so I took a look through the fic again and now im fighting the urge to do a one shot where obi-wan, on the verge of Falling after a mission gone wrong, gives into the urge he’s been fighting for years and makes an appointment to see companion Skywalker. NOT for sex. He just…he wants—no, needs to see that the Jedi Council was right about this one thing, that Anakin IS better off without him because if they’re right about that when obi-wan has spent years resenting that decision, maybe they’re also right about this war and obi-wan is once more in the wrong

(meanwhile, companion anakin, halfway through waxing his body and doing deep stretches and buying a whole new wardrobe and deep cleaning his Companion Quarters because oh my god this is not a drill it’s happening it’s happening General Kenobi has made an enquiry for Anakin!!!: wait what do you MEAN, not for sex???)

[placingglaciers]

Ugh, this whole Rose/baby situation is driving me nuts! This could go several ways, so this is just me having fun, as my theories never come true lol. (Note: Though I 100% know Nick loves June and baby Holly, I believe Nick does care about Rose and their child. I don't think he's the type of man who would abandon his family, considering he has been abandoned by his mother and had a "difficult" father.) Warning, this gets dark. :(

Both Rose and the baby die. This is the avenue we're all going towards, it seems. This is the easiest way to free Nick from his Gilead obligations and have him fully commit to the resistance. After all, with no family tying him down, could this allow him to not be a Commander anymore? This will also allow him to love June freely and be the family he always wanted. If we're talking "redemption," this could work. I just wish Rose meant something more to the plot. However, this solution runs the risk of being the most boring because *gasp* who would have thought?? lol

Only Rose dies. This could be a little interesting. Though I don't think Wharton will take it well. Would he somehow blame Nick for it? Would he punish/force Nick to marry again, thus prompting Nick to defect? Another Gilead-issued wife? I think he's tired of it! While this does allow Nick to be with June, there is still the baby. Could June care about another woman's child? I think it would only be fair since I believe Nick cares about Hannah. But smuggling out another baby might prove to be difficult...

Rose lives, but the baby dies of "natural" complications. I feel like Gilead strives for as natural a birth as possible, but what happens if that is the very method that kills the baby? What if they're not willing to do a C-section? What if they wait until it gets "bad enough," and then it's too late? Can you imagine Rose, but especially Nick, begging for them to do something that they are perfectly capable of doing? I feel like this would be the chance to reference what is actually happening in real life, bringing the show's relevance to today's society. This could be an avenue where Rose would die in the process, but if this show dared to be a little more interesting, maybe this would be the moment when everything changes for Rose. Her baby died an unnecessary death at the hands of Gilead. Sadly, again, I don't think they care enough about Rose to give her a "redemption arc." Maybe they'll somehow make Rose double down on Gilead, and Nick just checks out to be with June, haha.

Rose lives, but the baby dies on purpose. A surprise twist would be the baby actually being a girl and not a boy. A bunch of Commanders (dare I say a generation?) just died thanks to the Handmaids. I know it would be greatly out of character for Gilead to kill a baby, so I'm aware how weak this theory is, but I do believe Wharton is evil enough to maybe just do it. The future of Gilead needs to be preserved by strong, leading men, right? No doubt this would make Nick leave Gilead, and maybe Rose too. This could also bring cultural relevancy to female infanticide, an issue that is still prevalent today.

Rose lives, the baby dies, and Wharton suggests a substitute. So the baby could die from birth complications (natural or not), leaving a Gilead couple childless. Uh oh! Nick and Rose could try again. But why wait? Based on the talk with Nick in 6x06, we can believe that High Commander Wharton has the power to know and find out just about anything. What if he learns baby Holly's existence/location and threatens to bring her to Gilead? If it is just a threat, we know for certain Nick will do everything in his power to not let that happen. This could smoothly lead into The Testaments, having Nick and June go underground and give Holly to foster parents. I'd love to see this the most. Especially if it'll give us a June/Nick/Holly scene that would absolutely tear my heart apart. :(

Both Rose and the baby live. If this does happen, then I guess we'll be in for seeing one miserable Nick Blaine lol. As I said in the beginning, I'm sure Nick cares about both of them, but this is clearly not the life he wants. This will only make Nick's "redemption" more complicated, and maybe even nonexistent. And we could basically forget about a happy ending with June and Holly altogether. That is, if Rose puts her allegiance in Gilead. If, somehow, Nick could convince her that Gilead is not the place to raise their child, then maybe he can get them out? But this might take a lot of work, especially with Wharton breathing down his neck. Maybe Nick kills him? And Rose probably wouldn't care because he probably abused her. :( (Also, is it just a coincidence that both Rose and Nick have the same parent issues??)

Any of these theories could work, probably if the finale ended up being like, four hours long lol. However, considering the time crunch, I doubt any of this would happen, at least not well. But it was still fun to imagine! (And by fun, I mean absolutely heartbreaking. :( )

[gayerthebetter]

I'm seeing so many people ask why Dip and Pip picked "so long, london" with some people even joking it's just for the name and nothing to do with the lyrics, but what if I told you that wasn't true at all (or I don't see it that way anyway lol)

First, if you have never heard the song, now is the time to pop it on and jump into my madness with me. Second thing is if you do know the song and the idea behind writing it for Taylor I want you to forget it lol, we're starting new… kind of.

See this song for both Dan and Taylor is about a break up, only the break up for Dan wasn't a romance one because in his case the break up was between him and us/youtube and how the hiatus had to happen. (now before we keep going, I just want to say that I am not saying Dan hates us or youtube, so plz no jumping to that)

Now let's jump into why that is!

"I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift"

Dan said before that he always knew II was a goodbye, that he was giving us everything he had so he could leave, for him leaving and the freedom to be himself and find out who he really was, something he said he didn't really know, was the fairy lights he could see at the end and was the thing to keep him going.

"I didn't opt in to be your odd man out I founded the club she's heard great things about I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath"

Now we're onto the Youtube part, because of Dan's video we know that Youtube "loved" Dan after he came out and did use him to look good all as they told him they wanted to do all his ideas with him, ideas he said himself other people were wanting to make but that he turned down becuase he loved Youtube and wanted to work with them, ideas that he thought if he just did what they wanted they would help make real, ideas that they would all but ghost him about until they needed the next thing off him.

"I stopped CPR, after all it's no use The spirit was gone, we would never come to And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free"

Dan "stopped CPR" aka he quit youtube, he gave them everything only to see it was never going to happen so he was done with them and went off to start doing the ideas himself, first idea being his tour WAD (i hope for the show so much, i would work for free tbh)

Now let's get back to us, the fans.

"And you say I abandoned the ship But I was going down with it My white knuckle dying grip Holding tight to your quiet resentment"

Since the hiatus it was and sometimes still is very much talked about how it was Dan's fault, after all he didn't want to be "dan and phil" anymore, he didn't want to do the gaming channel even as Phil was trying to get him to do just one little video here or there, even some people were hating on his new work becuase in their eyes he "abandoned" the phandom to do that.

Only the fun and joy we got from everything they did back then wasn't always the same for Dan and Phil, with Dan even saying that back in the day people trying to find out if he was gay was retraumatizing, and how he felt like he was lying to everyone and didn't even know who he was outside of dan and phil.

We didn't know just how hard Dan was fighting to keep going, and that when he got out, the very idea of going back to the way things were was awful to him (good news is they said themselves that everything is better and more fun now, and they can just be themselves now!)

"So how much sad did you think I had, Did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I'd go? Before I'd self-implode Before I'd have to go be free"

This is once more talking about how Dan couldn't keep on going and you could also see it as how using your sadness for your art (like dan's vids) can only go so far before you're empty of anything at all, or you want to be happy and you have to let things go, sometimes your art, to do that, at least until you can work with something other then your own pain, you need to work with hope and joy and everything in you not just the bad.

"You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days And I'm just getting color back into my face I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place"

Now you can see this both to youtube and to us, the idea of "love" but it not really being felt or shown and how dan got better but there still a sadness because he did love it all even in the bad times.

"For so long, London Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I'm not the one So long, London Stitches undone Two graves, one gun You'll find someone"

So in my mind London is youtube and the old phandom and the ways it felt with all the good and all the bad but that the best thing they ever did was leave.

(once again this is just a post I made becuase i like reading into songs way 2 much , also dan and phil had both said again and again that they loved us then and now so plz don't think i am trying to say they hate us or youtube, i really think they are having the most fun ever doing youtube like this)

[eternallyfatedjadedspaded]

okay, firstly, beautiful! this is lovely, please do not delete later. you are a wonderful writer, actually. despite what your mind might be saying.

secondly, i am totally in agreement with you. i have always connected with Nigel, and later when i read TSH, Henry. similar but different in some ways. i won't express that all here but they both have always come through to me as fog. maybe it's because i write my best for them on foggy, rainy, story, days and slide right into their perspective. i'm not sure. but i will say, they are always, in my mind, connected with something that is hypnotic, stealthy in some way, creeping in on us, yet very calm and all encompassing, vast, something that lulls you before you realize the prickling fear of what that thing also is, also could be and bring with it. the neutrality of possibility before your anxiety has time to catch up and think of all that could go wrong in that thick expansive nothing.

fog is wonderful as a symbol for Nigel since it only blinds us, for a time, and it does so simply by existing, as it is. it's rather ambiguous in that sense. what comes through it could be any shade of horror or of beauty and wonder. i guess, i also very much so enjoy having something that symbolizes the play with the locus of control element the film and TSH plays with. this... realizing how little control we really have, at times, in life. this surrendering to the lulling energy they have as much as the thrilling sort of fear they ignite within us when we're inevitably thrown for the loop we worried was coming. but it's like, in that moment of the other shoe dropping, that we've been holding our breath for, we realize maybe we'd been living that way even before them. maybe we have been startled awake, and it's nasty, and scary beyond anything we had thought up, but it's also... it's being alive to the fullest extent. and so, in some odd way we become grateful to this energy so unique to them for awakening our senses.

and, when all is said and done, they leave little bits of themselves everywhere that won't disappear but be soaked up into the very earth of us. feeding this new version of ourselves we have built together with them, nourishing this self you created with them, unbeknownst to even ourselves until that merging is done. i also enjoy how the droplets left behind are almost like their soul's cry for everything they could never find the words to say. their peace gained, in some way, but only ever through some chaotic tearing asunder of their very beings to release and free themselves. i see them as so expansive because this form, this flesh, this realm of existence can't contain them. they know this, and it's like a play you know will end badly but you can't turn away from. you know they weren't meant for this plan of existence, and it will end in blood, but you're compelled to watch on in hopes of learning a shred of what to do for your own similar feelings. only, of course, to be met with the horror of truth you thought you were ready for but spiral about after, alone. and in that, again, the fog has stuck us.

(this is why i have stopped logging on in the morning during my coffee and listening to my classical music that i listen to when i write lol. yall remember when i wrote posts like this on a regular basis? god! anyway, thank you for this post because it makes me feel seen and less alone in seeing him how i do. also, clearly helped me flow about writing which is always helpful when it randomly strikes so, i appreciate that.)

in conclusion:

Whenever I think of Nigel I think of thick fog. More specifically, I live by a bay that has shipping train tracks along it. Sometimes early in the morning I walk by it and it’s fogging, It’s hard to see, but you have that feeling deep in your chest that is indescribable, yet familiar. And the smell is moist, rusty, and salty. Your lungs are filled up with this fog seeping into your body.

This is what I see Nigel as, a feeling. You cannot see far ahead of you, your mind is not open, but you feel. The cold wet air. The impending fear is just settled in your chest, you know it is safe but you cannot see behind you, you never feel alone in the fog. Like someone watching you, like you’re watching yourself from far away. There is something creeping up your neck. The path is overgrown with weeds because the city does not care to tidy it up. No one goes there unless they need to be someplace else.

My interpretation of Nigel Colbie can never be completely described in words. With all of the uncertainties of the story told, we don’t know what truly happened, so why do I have the privilege to force a narrative? I am no good with pretty words and communicating how I see people and feelings. That is why I like to personalize things and give characters that I cannot describe or understand, feelings. I know feelings and with that I can place metaphors to express them.

When the fog disappears because the sun has warmed the air, it leaves droplets of water on the grass and leaves.

Nigel Colbie, my beloved, how I wish I could see into your mind and merge into your body to see how you feel.

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[blaec-ynk]

i know some people are absolutely incensed that Arcane dropped the ball on the classism and discrimination and poverty and all those plotlines they had introduced but the truth of the matter is that Arcane always framed any type of Zaunite insurrection/revolution against Piltover in bad lighting and claimed that any fight/war for the freedom and wellbeing of future generations is ultimately evil because it gets people living right now killed

Vander is the most sympathetic Undercity leader/hot shot only because he is supporting Piltover's superiority and oppression of the Undercity. he has a deal with the cops to ensure that he will keep his people obedient and subservient to Piltover and the cops. he aids the status quo and thus Piltover's exploitation of Zaun; he never encourages pushing for change in any manner, violent or non-violent, instead always pressuring those around him (esp Vi) to just take Piltover's scraps and mistreatment because you wouldnt want to lose your loved ones, would you? (which is just like, a threat. an actual threat that figures of authority like cops make to their victims to keep them inline) Completely ignoring the fact that people in Zaun HAVE, ARE, and WILL BE losing loved ones to police brutality, disease, toxic/radioactive exposure, famine, poverty, gang violence, etc. BECAUSE OF PILTOVER.

Arcane is/(started out as) a great show but it was always most sympathetic towards Piltover and the status quo. it never pushed for Zaun's independence/freedom in any meaningful way--and whenever it did deal with Zaun potentially becoming its own nation? it didn't show the power of revolutions, of class actions, of uniting and protesting and fighting back--it just said that if you sit your ass down tight and let the oppressive government shit on you enough, you might eventually be granted some rights--unless you fuck it up with a rocket, of course. but that's not how real life has ever worked

not only that but any attempt at fighting back is literally shown as being plain violence for violence's sake. we dont see or hear anything about how silco or vander planned on rebuilding the Undercity/Zaun, how they wanted to expand infrastructure, how they would support the people and keep them safe--Arcane doesnt paint revolutions as the complex operations they are, they just show us the violence of them and nothing else. like really, all Silco wants to do is use Shimmer to scare topside--but that's not how revolutions or fighting against opressors works! because Piltover will be scared, yes, but that just means they will double down harder on all the violence and restrictions. that's obvious. not only that, but lets say Piltover gets scared and retracts from Zaun completely--Zaun seems to be heavily dependent on trade from Piltover to get what they need to survive. Silco doesnt mention anything about how to fix that. and that to me just plays on harmful stereotypes about any and all kinds of social movements. all of the real work is reduced to violence.

i dont have a closing statement im just so pissed at how theyre handling the classism in s1 now that im rewatching it

[kickerofelves]

So it’s officially mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) in addition to myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome since covid leaves behind a bunch of viral and immune cell byproducts which trigger all sorts of unfortunate inflammatory cascades, and in turn, all sorts of symptoms. It’s like fucking Symptoms Syndrome so it’s hard to get a diagnosis, but it’s such a specific set of symptoms that I’m 99% sure this is exactly what’s going on with me

I’ve got the brain fog, and the post-exertional malaise, and the memory problems, and the migraines, and the anxiety, and the panic attacks, and the irritability, and the return of asthma I haven’t had to deal with since I was like 6, and the vertigo, and the digestion problems, and the nausea, and the weird head and neck tension (which as it turns out is my inflammatory response affecting my nervous system, yay!).

For real if you’ve felt dumber and more emotional and just Physically Bad, there’s a very distinct chance you may be dealing with this as well. It’s also much more likely if you have preexisting autoimmune issues, like in my case really bad allergies.

The only coherent way I can describe the onset of an episode of symptoms is that it’s like that feeling of nerve-level aversion you get if you’ve ever accidentally looked into the sun, except you get that feeling from all stimulus and throughout your whole body. It’s also neurological very similar to how post-concussion syndrome felt, because surprise! It’s brain damage! 🧠🔨🥳🎉

Thankfully I have a doctor who listens despite having, hands down, the worst health insurance I’ve ever had the displeasure of dealing with (Cigna), because getting a diagnosis is already hard enough. And then treating it? Good fucking luck because all the funding has dried up and no one is studying anything to do with covid anymore. So I’ve been forced to dig through existing research—a process which involves a great deal of the high level thinking I was specifically medically advised against engaging in because stress literally makes my brain inflamed—in order to receive any sort of effective treatment at all. And the only shit I’ve found that has any long lasting effects are experimental research peptides which are expensive and I have to inject into myself regularly. Also essentially giving myself low level electroshock therapy with a TENS machine (at the direction of a physician! Do not just start attaching electrodes to pretty much anywhere above your neck or on your chest willy nilly because it could disrupt your heart’s electrical system and KILL YOU).

BUT I’m gradually feeling better (when I’m less exhausted I’ll post more about the peptides I’m taking because I know it sounds like some joe Rogan BS but it’s research backed and relatively safe) and I would recommend anyone else experiencing this shit to advocate for themselves as much as possible to just get the diagnosis on paper somewhere so that you don’t have to keep convincing every single medical professional you encounter that you do in fact have Problems that Require Treatment.

The moral of the story/tldr? Uuuuuh fuck if I know. don’t get sick and especially don’t get sick in the US? lol. I guess I just wanted to vent and at least post a PSA for other people who might just feel like they have Symptoms Syndrome.

I didn’t have covid but no one wants to run any tests and the government has just stopped collecting data because it was making them look bad, so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Not covid” apparently also has long term neurological effects, and now I have regular, debilitating vertigo and migraines. And there’s no clear answer what to do next. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool …

[milfbrainrot]

i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;

[seenthisepisode]

i did something that was absolutely legal but it feels completely illegal and i am so stressed i have a migraine

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.

[tardis--dreams]

Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

This Doesn’t Mean Anything

NA contemporary romance about a sex-repulsed girl starting uni and meeting an upperclassman who hangs out in the same study room and coffeeshop as she does

struggling with her asexuality, new friendships, and harassment

[albonium]

in other news i might be jobless in september lol

[6mayhem]

but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture

[talkorsomething]

genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]

[tardis--dreams]

Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes